Heaven Won't Wait
by Anorak Myth
Summary: SPOILERS Tsume will be cruel, if it means Kiba will leave him. "Save yourself" has never seemed more fitting. Major end of series spoilers. Oneshot, Tsume-centric, NOT Tsume/Kiba.  Character death.


Disclaimer: I do not own Wolf's Rain and am not making any profit from this writing.

Major spoilers! If you haven't watched Episode 30, STOP HERE. Seriously. Do not read this!

Pairings? Mentions of Hige/Blue. Some implied Tsume/Toboe, could be taken as either brotherly or yaoi. Very slight Kiba/Hige if you squint.

Heaven Won't Wait

"Tsume!" Kiba is running over, "Are you alright?"

It's a dumb question, and I'm not quite sure why he bothers to ask. I should snap at him, pretend everything is normal. Pretend everything is fine and I'm not bleeding from a hole in my stomach, and the others aren't dead, dead, _dead._ I can't pretend. But I can't tell him the truth either, not just yet.

"I'm just a little tired," I say instead, and then snarl, "Go already!"

I say it fast, before I lose my nerve. I know it stings, I can see in his eyes that he's startled and hurt, but it can't be helped. He needs the encouragement, and this is the only way I can think to give it to him. I can't be kind, not anymore, so I'll be cruel. His _feelings_ are no longer important.

"I finished Hige off."

There's no bite in my words. I can't look at him as I say it, so I close my eyes and turn away. I hear the tiny, sharp intake of breath, and I know he's surprised (whether by Hige's death or my part in it is hard to say). I _don't_ hear his heartbeat, just for a moment, and I know that he's horrified.

He doesn't reply, but what the words he won't, or can't, say hang between us.

_Why? How could you?_

I wonder, dimly, whether the "you" would be directed at me, or at Hige. Me, for killing Hige, or Hige, for leaving him. It doesn't matter much. Actually, it doesn't matter at all now, because I won't live long enough for him to hate me. So I don't ask.

He's still standing there, frozen in shock and horror. I realize that I had hoped he would leave after I said it. If _he_ had said, "I finished Toboe off," _I_ would leave. Kiba could be bleeding to death, as I am now, and I would leave, without a second thought. I would spare no compassion.

It occurs to me that Kiba is more forgiving than I am. Or more loyal. Maybe both. I think of his words to Hige, before this horrible, bloody last battle.

"_Whatever it is you might try to do to us now, I would never think of it as a betrayal. No matter what it is, Hige, I'll just accept it."_

His damn loyalty is going to get him killed.

I want to tell him that Hige stayed with Blue, that he held her corpse and waited for death. That he would have been proud of Hige's actions, in the end. That he had been right to forgive him, because Hige was as loyal as he was.

I want to tell him that Hige died next to Blue, the wolf he loved. That he begged me to kill him, that I didn't do it out of spite. That he didn't die alone. Mostly, I want to tell him that Hige would never have blamed him.

I don't tell him any of that. He's wasting time, and I wonder how long he intends to stay here, with me. He wants to stay, I can tell by the way he's completely still. He should be fidgeting, restless with desire to retrieve Cheza and kill Darcia.

Hell, he should be leaving, damn it.

"I don't want to move anymore either," is what I finally tell him. Maybe it isn't the right thing to say, because he still won't reply. I go on.

"I knew it from the beginning," I breathe in, to steady myself, "I knew it somewhere in my heart."

He understands. It feels like it's the first time he's really understood me. Maybe it's because, for the first time, I truly want – no, _need_ – him to understand. I need him to hear me now.

"That's why I lead a spontaneous life."

These will be my last words, after all. I might as well make them meaningful.

I lean back against the rock. I can't hold myself upright for much longer. Vaguely, I wonder, yet again, how much pain Hige must have been in, to beg for death the way he had. Was it physical pain, like I feel now? Or something else? What I felt when I saw Toboe, bloody and still, on the ice. What I'd bet anything that Kiba's feeling right now, after hearing that Hige's dead, and that I'm about to join him.

"I was confident after having met you," I open my eyes again, but I don't look at him, "That I wasn't the one who would open Paradise."

There's no more time. My wound tugs at me, and the pain reminds me, very sharply, that he needs to leave. He needs to open Paradise, he needs to stop Darcia, and he needs to save Cheza. He doesn't need to see me die.

He shouldn't be here. My wound will kill me, and I'll join Hige, and Blue, and _Toboe_ in death. I refuse to take Kiba with me. I never thought it was possible to die of a broken heart, but after seeing Hige, I'm not so sure. I can tell that Kiba's is already fractured, and I won't be the one to make the final blow. I won't.

"Go!" I order, gritting my teeth. He hesitates.

"Hang in there."

_Damn you_, is all I can think.

"If you don't go," I begin. He stops me, reaching out for my arm.

"Hold onto me."

Kiba is the worst kind of fool. He's the kind of fool that wants to save everyone, and that doesn't know when to just _give up_. He's never seemed so much like Toboe, and I hate him for it.

_I'm not Hige_, I want to say, _and you're not Toboe_. Even if I could survive, I can't go on any longer without Toboe. Kiba doesn't want to go on without Hige, but he _can_, because he's stronger than any of us.

I want to say it, to remind him of what I've lost, what we've both lost. I can't replace Hige, and he can't replace Toboe. But I'm not that cruel, and I need him to do this. If I remind him of Hige, he might waver, and he cannot waver now.

"Go already!" I shout, swinging my arm toward him and turning to face him, for emphasis. My body protests. I ignore it.

He doesn't say a word. He doesn't have to. There is a deep, knowing sadness in his eyes, and then he turns. He leaves. Finally.

He doesn't look back. I'm grateful. I don't want him to see my face, don't want him to falter and come back. Most of all, I don't want him to see that I _want_ him to come back. I don't want to die alone anymore than Hige did.

"Let's meet up again in Paradise," I whisper, repeating Hige's words. Kiba can't hear me, but that's alright. Toboe can, if the stories of the dead watching us are true. If he really is watching, I know that he would be proud.

One part proud, and three parts sad. That's Toboe for you.

Maybe it's blood loss, but around me, I'm beginning to see silhouettes. Hige and Blue, to the side. Blue's eyes are warm. Hige's are grateful, forgiving.

_Thank you. For Kiba,_ his eyes seem to say. My gaze moves past him, to a smaller figure. This one shimmers and shines, and the only distinct thing are the eyes.

They are at once young and so very, very old. Sad, but happy to see me nonetheless. Like he's gotten what he wanted, but the price was far too dear.

Too dear to him, maybe. Not to me. I'd give anything to be by his side again. His form quivers, calling to me. I almost hear a howl, or the ghost of one, at any rate. Heh, ghost. That's a good one.

_Tsume?_

I slump forward, and…

_I'm coming, Toboe._

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><p>First time I've written a fanfic in 1st person POV, and a Tsume-centric too. Thoughts?<p> 


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